“Honor thy father and thy mother, that thou mayest be long lived upon the land which the Lord thy God will give thee” (Exodus 20:12).
The Fourth Commandment
All the Commandments, regardless of their particulars, have charity as their foundation. In particular, the Fourth Commandment requires us to honor and obey not only our parents and grandparents but also our superiors. It is under the Fourth Commandment that the clergy understand obedience to their superiors; and likewise, men and women understand obedience to their nations, employers, and rulers. On the other hand, parents and rulers are expected to provide for the spiritual well-being of their children and subjects.
What Do We Mean by “Honor”?
The Fourth Commandment enjoins on everyone the responsibility to “honor” a group of individuals. What does “honor” mean in this regard? The Baltimore Catechism explains: “The word honor in this Commandment includes the doing of everything necessary for our parents’ spiritual and temporal welfare, the showing of proper respect, and the fulfillment of all our duties to them” (Baltimore Catechism No. 3, Q. 1258).
Literal and Straightforward Understanding
St. Thomas and the Church Fathers teach that the literal meaning of Scripture is the foundation for all other interpretations. This passage is quite straightforward, and its meaning is clear. Nevertheless, it always helps to consider its full implications.
God delivered to Moses the Ten Commandments in a hierarchical order. The First is the most important. The First Three, on the first tablet, are more important because they outline man’s right relationship to God. The next seven outline man’s right relationship to other men. Of these seven Commandments, the first and most important is to honor one’s parents. Why?
On a purely natural order, parents are the proximate cause of their child’s very existence. Parents are duty-bound to provide everything their children need to survive and flourish. Parents provide food, drink, shelter, and clothing. They provide academic education, emotional strength, life lessons, and spiritual formation. The vast majority of the wonderful experiences which children have (e.g., going to the park, bedtime stories, playing sports, learning musical instruments, laughter around the dining room table, family vacations, the list is endless…) are facilitated by their parents. In truth, a child owes so much of their life, personality, and property to their parents. Thus, the only appropriate response is that a child honor, love and obey their parents. They should joyfully and promptly obey their parents in all things, unless the parents command something sinful.
A child who does not honor its parents may very well be guilty of selfishness and pride. Such a child most likely lacks a generous spirit or a docile heart. Such grave dispositions will in turn negatively impact all the child’s relationships. Most significantly, it will impair the child’s relationship to God. All the good things said of parents are infinitely multiplied, and far greater, with regard to God. If a child will not respond with appreciation and respect for its parents whom it does see, how will it respond with love and obedience to God whom it cannot see?
How Do We Honor Them?
Offering sincere love, rendering respect, honoring their wishes and inclinations, imitating their good example, and relieving their necessities all follow from the Fourth Commandment. Canon Francis Ripley remarks in a similar fashion in This is the Faith:
“If we are commanded to love all men, how much more should we love our parents, to whom we owe so much. Such love corresponds to the most natural feeling of the heart. In practice, parents should receive from their children affection, thanks, good wishes, consideration, prayer, kindness in thought … and exact obedience.”
Special attention is given by The Catechism of the Council of Trent on this point to the responsibility of caring for ill and elderly parents. Care should be taken to ensure that, to the best of our ability, they die in the state of grace and fortified by the sacraments of the Church. Their funerals should also be properly arranged so they receive the respect they deserve with a devout and proper Catholic Requiem Mass. And great care should also be given to the management of their estate, ensuring that sufficient money is set aside to cover stipends for Masses to be said for their souls, especially Gregorian Masses.[1]
A Great Blessing
It is important to note that of the seven Commandments on the second tablet, God only attaches a blessing to the Fourth Commandment. He decreed that in fulfilling this Commandment “thou mayest be longlived upon the land which the Lord thy God will give thee” (Ex 20:12).
These are natural blessings. The long life implies happiness and flourishment. The land, source of material prosperity and stability, shall be retained by those who keep this Commandment. Naturally, they also have parallel spiritual blessings, the most important being eternal bliss in Heaven, the Promised Land.
We also do well to note that revolutionaries who advance the diabolical disorientation readily teach children to reject God and their parents. The errors of Russia include dissolution of all family bonds with the atheistic State replacing the role of parents.
Who Is Our Father and Mother?
While the Fourth Commandment obviously applies to our natural parents, The Catechism of the Council of Trent makes an important clarification that “father,” in this context, refers to more than just our biological father. This term includes:
- those who are called Fathers (of the Church) in Scripture;
- prelates, pastors, and priests of the Church;
- those who govern, to whom are entrusted power, magistracy, or command;
- those (g., teachers, instructors, masters, and guardians) to whose care, fidelity, morality, and wisdom others are committed; and
- those advanced in years.
And the same Catechism mentions “that the name mother is mentioned in this Commandment, in order to remind us of her benefits and claims in our regard, of the care and solicitude with which she bore us, and of the pain and labor with which she gave us birth and brought us up.”
The Limits of Obedience
While we are enjoined to honor our parents and respect them, this command is not absolute. If a parent, or anyone in authority over us, commands us to commit a sin, we must disobey since obeying such an immoral command would be a sin.
On this essential caveat, the Baltimore Catechism counsels: “We should refuse to obey parents or superiors who command us to sin because they are not then acting with God’s authority, but contrary to it and in violation of His laws” (Baltimore Catechism No. 3, Q. 1260).
The Church has also always taught that a child with a religious vocation from God does not violate the Commandment in following this divine call, even when the parents are opposed to it. This should be obvious to every Catholic because obedience to God always supersedes obedience to any human authority, including parents. In fact, the only way to be truly obedient to all authority is to obey God first and above all others.
The Example of Our Lord and Our Lady
While many at least implicitly assume the Fourth Commandment only concerns young children, the Fourth Commandment applies to everyone, regardless of age. As our parents inevitably age, we have a grave responsibility to help provide for both their spiritual and material needs with the utmost care and attention. Our Lord Jesus Christ, in honoring St. Joseph and the Blessed Virgin Mary, shows us the example of perfect observance of the Fourth Commandment. He was present at St. Joseph’s bedside and gave him all the graces necessary for a most holy death.
To those who are currently experiencing trials in caring for aging parents, the words of St. John Chrysostom on Our Lord’s entrusting of His Mother to St. John serve as a source of inspiration to us:
“And He, having committed His Mother to John, said, ‘Behold Thy son’ (John 19:26). O the honor! With what honor did He honor the disciple! For since it was likely that, being His Mother, She would grieve, and require protection, He with reason entrusted Her to the beloved.
“To him He says, ‘Behold thy Mother’ (John 19:27). This He said, knitting them together in charity, which the disciple understanding, took Her to his own home. But why made He no mention of any other woman, although another stood there? To teach us to pay more than ordinary respect to our mothers.
“For as when parents oppose us on spiritual matters, we must not even own them [the spiritual opposition], so when they [parents]do not hinder us, we ought to pay them all becoming respect, and to prefer them before others, because they begot us, because they bred us up, because they bare for us ten thousand terrible things.”[2]
ENDNOTES:
[1] On the history and the value of Gregorian Masses, the Servants of the Holy Family explain:
“The practice of offering Gregorian Masses for the repose of the soul of a deceased person was started by Pope Saint Gregory the Great, who ruled the Church from 590 to 604. The event that started this pious practice took place while he was abbot of St. Andrew’s monastery in Rome, prior to his election to the papacy. In the fourth book of his Dialogues, St. Gregory relates how one of the monks of his monastery, named Justus, did not keep his vow of poverty very well. When Justus died, St. Gregory feared that the good monk might have to spend a long time in Purgatory because of his failures with regard to poverty. He therefore ordered that the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass be offered up for Justus for thirty consecutive days. On the thirtieth day, Justus appeared to Copiosus, a brother monk, telling him that he was now freed from his sufferings because of the thirty Masses that St. Gregory had ordered to be said for him.
“Following St. Gregory’s example, Catholic people throughout the ages have continued the pious custom of having thirty Masses said for their departed relatives and friends. The custom of praying thirty days for the dead can be traced back to the Old Testament (Deut. 34:8). The Sacred Congregation on Indulgences has declared, ‘The offering of Gregorian Masses has a special efficacy for obtaining from God the speedy deliverance of a suffering soul, and that this is a pious and reasonable belief of the faithful.’”
[2] St. John Chrysostom, Homilies on the Gospel of John, Homily 85 (https://www.newadvent.org/fathers/240185.htm).